Do you ever feel like balancing work and having kids has got your head spinning and you are literally just about keeping your head above water?
I feel like I’m ‘that’ mum who is always running round like a headless chicken, just arriving before the show starts, just remembering the morning before that it’s World Book Day. Just tearing round Debenhams looking for a Trunki the day before we go on holiday. I feel like I’m constantly chasing my tail and only just making it through each day by the skin of my teeth.
It’s a horrible feeling of juggling too many balls and knowing you will eventually drop one and just hoping that whichever one you drop it’s not too important.
At the moment I feel like I’m just not doing that great in every area of my life. I’m so tired at work my brain doesn’t function properly and I’m sure I come across as distracted and slightly mad! Tiredness effects my confidence and leaves me sitting quietly in a corner when I should be fighting to have my opinions heard and enjoying the job I fought so hard to get back to after having kids.
I feel like a rubbish friend because there are so many people I haven’t seen for so long – I am constantly double booking, forgetting dates, having to reschedule because the kids are mental. There are new babies I haven’t visited, there are dear friends going through tough times and I should be there for them but sometimes I’m not.
I feel like a pretty bad daughter, I forgot Fathers Day for gods sake! What is wrong with me! I feel like a bad partner because poor Andrew sees me alone for about two hours a day and I’m usually moaning at him to do something or I’m complaining that I’m tired and the kids are driving me mad.
Last and certainly not least I feel like a really crappy mum right now because the kids really are driving me mad – as in hiding in the bathroom crying while they bang on the door shouting ‘mummy are you doing a poooooo?’ I am constantly too busy and too shouty. I have a fuse so short that even the slightest thing can make me totally lose my shit.
Sometimes I see other mums I like to call them Mum Bosses they are the ones I admire from afar, their diaries are planned months ahead, they have remembered to buy bread for the packed lunches. They know when it’s sports day and whose birthday is when. They have full time jobs, handsome hands-on husbands and beautiful clean children who never walk round with Weetabix in their hair. They are patient and calm even faced with a world class tantrum in the middle of the supermarket. I want to be a Mum Boss!
I recently asked my Mum Boss friend ‘how do you do it?’ ‘How do you juggle all these balls?’ She replied ‘I was going to ask you the same thing!’ Turns out she thought I was a Mum Boss too, she thought she was doing badly at everything too! We both thought the other was organised and patient and knew what was going on and it turns out we were both winging it and just doing our best.
So I suppose what I’m trying to say is when you are having a really bad day, where you forgot the ballet kit and you couldn’t French plait your daughters hair and you went to work wearing odd shoes. Just look around and you will see we are all the same, we are all juggling, we are all trying our best. It’s highly likely there is another mum who looks up to you, who thinks you are a Mum Boss and that is because you actually are.
Thanks for reading my ramblings.